Hoeg and the pig
- a moderns day Danish fable
Written By Tendai Frank Tagarira (28, June, 2010)
Nightmares from the army flashed in his head as he ventured to the kitchen door.
................Farmer Hoeg is a Hero. He is former Royal Guard and served his country proudly in 1940.
However, Hoeg never forgets the 9th of April.
It was in 1940 on that very day when he awoke at 3am feeling rather unusual. He was serving his fourth year in the Royal Guard at a military base in Copenhagen.
Hoeg switched on his bedside lamb to discover fresh blood stains on his beloved Danish flag, which he always folded and placed beside him every night before retiring to bed.
He was in sense married to old Dannebrog as he was indeed a true patriot.
Hoeg remembered the sirens and the commotion that ensured at the Royal Guard barracks. He remembers the flickering German bullets in the mist of dawn and the pandemonium that ensued.
Hoeg grabbed his rifle and took to his instincts.
Today he never speaks much about this incident because no one has ever asked him, since Danes are private.
Hoeg defended his country proudly that fateful day. If his rifle could speak, it would tell the tale with a hot barrel and smoking tears because it had never known such action since its conception.
Hoeg fought long and hard but he had to woefully watch 16 of his fellow comrades meeting their maker while defending beloved Denmark.
Hoeg was captured, but he was later released when the two governments agreed to a seize fire. His motherland had been ambushed, but nevertheless he had fought bravely for beloved Denmark.
Hoeg served in the Danish Royal Guard with honour for a few more years and later retired to the countryside to become a pig farmer.
No one dares mess with his pigs! No one has ever bothered to mess with them anyway.
Hoeg’s bacon is known across Denmark for its wonderful taste because his pigs live a hippie lifestyle. His pigs make love, not war.
Hoeg flung open his kitchen door, ready to open deadly fire, but what he saw petrified him and he dropped his riffle and stood on his kitchen door in disbelief.
Never in his life had he seen such an omen. He doesn’t believe much in the Christ God, but he uttered the words, “JESUS CHRIST!”
His favourite female pig, Polly, was in awful labor right on his doorstep. Hoeg picked up her up like he would a wounded mate in battle. He laid her safely on his bed and stood next to her helplessly.
Polly was dying you see and Hoeg couldn’t do anything to serve his beloved swine. The only thing left for him to do was to kneel down, close his eyes and open his mouth,
”Vor Fader, du som er i himlene!
After Hoeg prayed the Lord’s Prayer, Polly popped 10 little piglets and then she expired. Hoeg was devastated at the sudden loss of his favourite swine, but he was consoled knowing that she had left him beautiful offspring.
One of the ten piglets was peculiar. She was not pink like the rest of the piglets. She was blue and she had beautiful brown eyes. Hoeg named this blue brown eyed piglet Sue.
Sue was unlike any other pig in the whole of Denmark. She grew much faster than normal pigs and when she was only six months old, she had a big adult pig body.
Many farmers came from as far as Fano Islands to offer Hoeg large sums of money for Sue. They wanted to breed her since she was the fasted growing pig in all of Denmark.
“I’ll give you one million kroner!” a nobleman from the Danish Whiskey Belt said to Farmer Hoeg.
“Go to hell,” Hoeg obstinately refused.
Hoeg turned down these offers outright. He loved Sue like his own first born, even though he had no children of his own. He had never married because all the women in Trepkasgade were private and Hoeg respected their privacy.
Hoeg’s pigs were his refuge. His pigs were his family and Sue was the
most beloved. Sue was an incredibly intelligent pig and in growing up
she noticed that Hoeg was indeed a very lonely man.
“Dear pigs and piglets, I think Hoeg is a lonely man...” she suggested.
“Yeah get to the point!” one rude fat pig shouted from the back of the crowd.
“I think we need to find Hoeg a beautiful wife,” Sue explained.
All the pigs suddenly became silent when they realised the magnitude of the matter at hand.
“That’s a great idea Sue, but these Danes are very private you know,” responded one pessimistic pig named Gram.
“Yes, the Danes rarely talk to strange people, much less Farmer Hoeg!” Christine (a very fashionable pig) concurred.
“I have an idea that will get all the Danes in Trepkasgade to talk,” Sue suggested.
“Wow How?” the other pigs enquired.
“Easy, you must all come with me tonight when the humans are sleeping and I will show you HOW,” Sue explained.
That night all the pigs and piglets waited for Farmer Hoeg to go to bed. It was deep in the night and they all made a straight line, following Sue.
They went quietly into the village and initiated Code Red.
The next morning, everything was normal for the pigs, but for the Danish villagers it was pandemonium.
All the bicycles in the village were missing! Even Farmer Hoeg’s rusted bicycle was missing. The Danes of the village were stunned. How would they face life without the most Danish thing, their bicycles?
The village residents gathered together for the first time since the very birth of the village. Even “grumpy” Farmer Hoeg found himself conversing with his fellow Danes.
“What in the Lords name happened to our bicycles?” they asked one another.
It was the first time in many years that the villagers came together and spoke. The protocol of privacy was broken that very day, as they had to all join forces to find their missing bicycles.
“We need to have a massive bicycle hunt!” a well spoken elderly lady, Line, suggested.
Line had long blonde hair and blue eyes and she was as Danish as a bicycle. She had a chicken farm and she loved chickens in much the same manner Hoeg loved his pigs.
“I served in the military in 1940. I can use my skills to track the bicycles!” Farmer Hoeg suggested.
“Wow, we never knew you served in the army!” Line replied, obviously surprised.
“Well, you never asked,” Hoeg replied.
“Well, you never told,” Line responded.
The two stared at each other and realised what they had both been missing all their life. It was a simple yet complex human connection called “we.”
Hoeg and Line fell in love that instant and forgot all about the missing bicycles. Little did they realise that their fate had been engineered by a blue brown eyed pig.
Sue and the rest of the pigs watched from a distance as Farmer Hoeg leaned over to kiss his missing bride.
Hours later, the vigilant police from a nearby Town called Aarhus located all the village bicycles in a vast stretch of land just outside the village.
That night all the Danes and foreigners living in the village came together and lit a huge bon fire and celebrated the power of “we.” Since that day, they all became a united society and the words me, private and foreigner were banned from the village.
Sue the pig fulfilled her destiny. A few months after the case of the missing bicycles, Farmer Hoeg and Line tied the knot in a public wedding and all villagers were in attendance.
The next day, Sue along with her nine piglet brothers and sisters, went to nearby Aarhus City Hall to talk to the Mayor about putting “we” in the constitution.
However, before Sue and the other piglets could get to the Mayor’s office, they were magically transformed into stone sculpture by a ferry pig mother.
“You have done enough for the humans Sue. They should learn from the village about the power of we over me,” the pig god mother said while waving her magic wand.
To this day, in front of City Hall in Aarhus, this sculpture of Sue and the piglets can be seen.
The sculpture of the “pigs” as it is known is meant to be a reminder of the power of “we” over being private.
Perhaps all Danes and foreigners living in Denmark ought to embrace the tale of the Danish village and learn from a blue, brown eyed pig called Sue.
Perhaps I need to steal all Danish bicycles and maybe they will start talking to each other and foreigners...hehehehe!
Senest opdateret 20 juli 2010. Webmaster: Mads Bischoff